1. Interesting (as in, "I found it extremely...um...interesting." Translation: Dull.) 2. Thought-provoking (as in, "It was terribly thought-provoking." Translation: It was terrible.)

3. Zany (as in, "You crack me up!  Your writing is so damned zany." Translation: How did you ever get anyone to publish these stupid books?)

4. Different (as in, "Well, it certainly is....different." Translation: I've tried, but can't think of a single nice thing to say.)

Here are the ones I prefer:

1. Moving (as in, "That was, without doubt, the most moving book I've ever read.")

2. Insightful (as in, "There surely can not exist a more insightful treatment of the human condition.")

3. Breathtaking (as in, "Your prose is simply breathtaking.")

4. Pulitzer (as in, "This book has Pulitzer written all over it.")

My husband has noted that life would proceed more smoothly if I gave him a script. This one's for everyone else.