Well, don't ask me.  I've only lived here 22 years, which isn't nearly long enough to figure out how the university entrance system works. The Oxford Literary festival, however, merely requires that you buy a ticket. If you're willing to spend £6,000 on tickets, you probably could learn just about everything about everything in a week, and save the cost of any more higher education.

Just a thought.

Some of the highlights of this year's programme include Michael Rosen, PD James, Louise Rennison, Anthony Browne, Philip Pullman, Eoin Colfer, Edmund de Waal, Maggi Hambling, Hanif Kureishi....but the full list can be found here.

I'm on a panel with Sally Gardner and a new author called Phil Earle, and promise to say many controversial and hilarious things in the hour allotted, just to keep everyone awake. Tickets here.

(I'm writing this at 1am and the robins are singing their tiny hearts out outside my window. It must be spring.)