As far as I know, I'm not officially dyslexic. However I'm incredibly bad with names (and faces). This is obviously because I'm so incredibly creative, with whole galaxies inside my brain of such extraordinary brilliance that the banal everyday world in which other poor souls live looks like McDonalds to my El Bulli. Either that or I'm just habitually inattentive and suffer from intellectual deficit disorder. Whatever.

In any case, here are some of my main causes of confusion as I stumble (clumsy too, but that's another blog) through life.

In any case, here are some of my main causes of confusion as I stumble (clumsy too, but that's another blog) through life.

In any case, here are some of my main causes of confusion as I stumble (clumsy too, but that's another blog) through life.

In any case, here are some of my main causes of confusion as I stumble (clumsy too, but that's another blog) through life.

In any case, here are some of my main causes of confusion as I stumble (clumsy too, but that's another blog) through life.

1. Penelope Cruz and Jennifer Lopez. ('Zs', vaguely Spanish. See also Javier Barden and Antonia Banderas.) 2. Ian Duncan Smith and William Hague. (Politicians, bald.) 3. Leonardo di Caprio and Brad Pitt. In my head they are the same person. (Small dog faces/cute noses on grown men. Not good.) 4. Monica Ali, Ali Smith, Zadie Smith. (Too obvious to explain.) 5. Diane Wiest and Rachel Weisz. (Hello?) 6. Baltic states. Balkan states.  (Estonia? Macedonia?) 7. Muslim. Muslin. (This confusion dates from about 1965 and has never been completely untangled in my head.) 8. Carlisle and Cardiff. (Both vaguely west.) 9. Tufnell Park and Muswell Hill. (An obvious problem of too many 'L's.) 10. Fay Weldon, Beryl Bainbridge, Muriel Spark. (Writers. Certain age.)

There are more. But I think that's enough reputation damage for one blog.