I would like to state from the outset that writers are serious people who do not hang around phoning up their friends in Brooklyn and asking them to design small versions of imaginary near-extinct animals. Having established that, I'm quite excited to reveal the early production stages of an actual genuine real live stuffed Eck.

His maker is not Bob, but an excellent and highly talented costume designer by the name of Nicholas Godlee. (Yes, Godlee. I swear I don't make this stuff up. Though now that I think of it, I do make quite a lot of it up. But not the Nicholas Godlee bit.)

Nick's costume credits include amazing musicals like The Lion King and Wicked, and he worked on the film The Matrix, which makes him one of the most authentically cool people I know. His willingness to take on the highly technical job of creating a near-extinct non-existent animal has endeared him to me forever, and I urge you to get your orders in soon. At the moment, each Eck is valued at about £10million, but we're working very hard to get a better deal on the felt.

I'm hoping to have some ready for sale in the not too distant future, and of course you'll have to have a massive supply of food for your Eck so perhaps it's best to start shopping now. My mother, in her infinite wisdom, is very excited about the idea of Easter Ecks.

(Nicholas Godlee. I kid you not.)